1. earpiece
2. ipod skin
3. laptop bag
4. tote bag
5. shoes (boots,sneakers,flats,sandals)
6. blazers
7. jeans
8. tops
9. accessories (bangles,necklaces)

okay, that's all for my shopping list i think.

I'm freaking freaking pissed.

Cognitive and Thinking Processes I , i got As.
Good right?

BUT

7 weeks into Cognitive and Thinking Processes II, I'M STILL NOT GETTING ANY As.
TOTALLY WTF.

If I didn't contribute, didn't do things properly, didn't save my team from digging its own grave, fine.
I accept my Bs gladly.

HOWEVER,
I HAVE BEEN DOING IT. I'VE CARRIED THEM UP, PROTECT MY TEAM FROM KILLING ITSELF, ASK TEAM MATES QUESTIONS TO GET THE BALL ROLLING.

WHAT DID I GET?
Bs. EFFING Bs.

It's not my fault that they can't THINK, not my fault they don't contribute when i asked them to.
It's not my fault that they're dumb, so why am i getting Bs for it ?

DULAN DULAN DULAN

call me a control freak, but i don't like this kind of feeling that i have.
it's still subtle, but i guess it will eventually grow into something much bigger.
least this time round i won't be doing anything foolish and getting myself all pissed and bothered.

p.s. not gonna mention anything much here still. dammit, it still ain't private enough.
p.p.s you can ask, but i may not say.

my tees have arrived! <3 it's my next year's birthday present from my brother, cause he won't be with me by then. )):
love my korkor.

Time really pass by so fast.
It's the end of week 6 already, another 9 more weeks and I'll be in a different class with new classmates once more.
I guess time pass really fast when you enjoy it.

Despite me not liking entrepreneurship lessons, somehow, it pass by quickly even now.
It's no longer a drag anymore.
Or is it because of the fact that there's daylight savings?
Not that we practise it in Singapore, but time really do past by faster in the later part of the year, always.

Le, if you ever see this, please get back to Serf and me. Don't just disappear into thin air please, and don't do anything silly. You still have us. Alright?

You know ... it's been 3 months already since my uncle passed away. I keep going back to that period of time where everything was chaotic for them and for my family. The time when i had my finals and couldn't concentrate in class .. i thought about what my cousin, Sara, said. About how now they don't really feel as secure as they were in the past when their Dad was still alive. Not that their Dad was really fit and able to fight off burglars/whatsoever.

It got me really thinking about how figureheads are really important after all. I have always thought that we don't need a president, especially since ours is more of a figurehead instead of our prime minister, whereby he's the one doing al the .. legislations and changes and all.

Just a thought.

p.s. time to get back to work on my presentation now.

i want to get out of Singapore and live in a place with four seasons.
Okay, I'm fine if the seasons aren't distinct as well.
I just want autumn.
Yes, I know autumn is actually where leaves are rotting and tree leaves are falling, but I love the colours.
It's much much better than Singapore's green and yellow tress.
You'll get bored of it when you sit in the bus and all you see are those colours.
I want to be able to jump into plies after piles of crunchy leaves, and not to mention, to step on it and hear the sound of it cracking under your feet.
It's one of the most marvellous sounds to enjoy, given that it's by nature.

The most important factor would be I want to take tons of photos of autumn.

Hi my friends, please like the video over at http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=327267365703&oid=120992733523

It's for a competition. The more likes, the better! Spread it to your friends! Much loves.

This girl was a counsellor in my secondary school, and she's got married. She looked pretty decent in secondary school. Maybe a bit ah lian-ish, but who wasn't at that stage ?

Now she's heavily pregnant, I'm guessing around 6 months since the belly was so huge. Did I mention she's 18, like me? I totally flipped upon seeing the pictures, by gaping at it. I can't believe why someone would rather give birth to a kid than to abort it. Think about it in the long run, having a kid at 18 means you got a HUGE responsibility. Babies need injections and all, and these cost TONS. BCG, Malaria and so many more. Expensive! Plus the milk powder and clothes and all. And you're raising a human up at the age of 18. 18!! How much financial means do you have??? At most around 6K ?

I rather give birth to a kid when I know I'm financially stable. And it's not just financially stable, it would have to be at least stable enough to support 3 people. So that I would have some surplus to fall back on and be able to invest more on the kid. Aborting the baby at our age now just seems much kinder and logical to me. And I'm sticking firm to that fact. But I don't have any intention of having sex/ getting pregnant now as well. My studies is my top priority now.

Another thing, shotgun marriages ... can they last? The last one that I know of didn't end well. They got married .. and divorced soon after. And who is the MOST innocent party? Their daughter. Now, they both have no qualifications except for their Os. In Singapore, having just Os isn't enough. It's a paper chase society here as everyone knows it. They can't support themselves, all the more for a kid. It's stupid, damn stupid. I want to give my kid a happy family, with both parents around to witness his/her growth into a toddler and into an inquisitive (albeit annoying) child.

p.s. No offences to any single parent families. My grandma was a single parent raising 7 children on her own. I respect them, single parent.

1. blazer, navy blue/black/white
2. skinny jeans
3. sneakers
4. funky new accessories (bracelets/necklaces)
5. boots?
6. pierce ears (not sureeee)
7. get a new hairstyleee.(im thinking of a side shaved one)
8. tee shirts
9. more socks

yessssss, im gonna go for a guyish look. :DD

would you say that you're as happy now?
would you say that the happiness you feel now, is the same as the one you felt when you were young, when you were a kid, when you had less to worry about in the world?
would you say that you are? because you didn't see how cruel the world is, because you know there are always your parents, friends, siblings to fall back on?

would one still be able to be happy even through growing up, through all the tribulations and trials ones has to endure? would seeing more enables you to be just as happy cause you're gaining knowledge? or would it make you sad cause you're finally, finally, ... able to see through your own eyes, your own interpretations of how the world, the society is really like... instead of hearing it from your parents, instead of getting second hand information ?

bryant, a friend that i've known for a decade (and counting), said that he wish, really wish, that i would be how i was last time. laughing maniacally, till my entire face would turn red for at least a few minutes, till i cry and fall off my chair.

true that. i havne't done that for a very long time. ever since .. 2 years ago. right now, i think i hardly laugh anymore. as in, laugh from my guts kind. i'm so serious with stuff now i don't even realise it. i didn't even realise about the happiness part till he mentioned it. I always thought I was happy, since my studies part are going quite alright, getting what I want and stuff. But now that i think about it, I realise ... i'm not happy to be in STA. I'm ... glad to be able to change my course, but not mega ultra super duper happy kind of thing.

I get amazed, awed, excited... but never happy. it's like it's gone from my dictionary already. no wonder i had troubles finding a happy experience for class today. =\

anyway, what's your take on this matter folks? with regards tot he first paragraph. do you think you're as happy as you were when you're young? do you think when one grow up, there's less happiness?

p.s. bryant, you got me emoooooooo. nahh, kidding.

I didn't like today's lesson much. it was about personal experience and how we are supposed to link it with our team members to form a story. the only personal experience that i can remember vividly would be ... him. so i wasn't happy when i had to mention out my experience, especially since my group was talking about sad stuff.

not just me, many others had to say out their past as well. which i don't think they like very much. i didn't for sure. cause i wanted to bury it. today's lesson felt more like a getting to know you part II. so many had to dealt with death and divorce at such a young age.... i really feel for them.

i wish they could have something better than this.

I always get disturbed when i see articles about stem cell research.
They say stem cell research would be the cure to everything single disease we have or even those genetic deficiency.
It's good, i agree as well.

assuming that it is cheap and everyone is able to live very peaceful lives since there isn't any diseases whatsoever, so what?
would people appreciate it in the long run ? what will happen to the population on Earth then? Will it explode? Will it be unable to contain us any more?

You guys are probably gonna say I will see it's wonders when one of my relatives or friends are suffering from cancer which only stem cell can heal or something, but you know ... I think , if it's time to go, then go. Why bother fighting some more? If it's not your time, you would still survive anyway.


I'm really enjoying the modules I'm learning in STA. Except for Entrepreneurship. Ha! But it's alright still I suppose. I'm really really glad I changed my course. If not ... I dunno how life would be like for me if I continue being in CCC. Especially with that (ex)class of mine.
I'm starting to accept my new class and all of it's quirky people. Well ... person. >______> Anyway, today's facilitator was such a hard person to please. I think he's doing it on purpose since he's just a relief faci. Irritating guy. Filled with so much sarcasm and meaness. -sneers at him-

Bryan, my new classmate took a picture of my group today ! My face looks so round in it. T______T



SEEEEEEEE!!!!! So so so round!!!
Never mind, I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow, hopefully it will be better.
But .. heart pain, the money that I will be spending. Sigh.

P.s. The girl's called Hwee Ling and the guy's Fairuzi. I hope I spelt it right. O.O

T'was fun. No quiz, no worksheet, not much of presentation. It's probably going be one of the few mods that I'll like in this 3 years of RP.
Today, we had to choose between creating a learning aid for visually impaired or hearing impaired. My team picked visually. So we had fun creating noises in class for our presentation.

Anyway, i realised something over the weekends. I don't like to tell out my feelings.Really really don't like.
For example, if someone ask "Will you miss me?" I'll most likely reply with a "No, I won't." Even though I will really miss.
=\ , i guess i still got problems with people. still afraid that they will break my heart.

I brought my star scrunchie along to my cousin's place with one motive in mind. make my niece learn the word star.
in the end, it worked!






p.s. she's mortally afraid of the pig. or rather, the sound it makes and we all have no idea why. the pig's mad cute to me.

i don't like this feeling.
of getting all emotional and stuff when i see you.
which results in me thinking about you and what happened, leading to an emo state.

i want to go back to being how i was at the start of the school term.
not giving a damn about anyone and just focusing on getting my grades.
just being a damn strong girl, that's all i want to be.

but now i see it crumbling away when you arrive.
at first it was just tiny cracks, now the structure's all weird and patchy.
looking at you made me froze, i got half a mind to say hi but the other half ... the logical one, says no.
tand right now ii'm trusting the logical side more than anything else.

sigh. i don't know what i'm talking about.

My course transfer is finally done.
I am finally in STA's New Media.

I guess perseverance really does pay off in certain situations.. and being forceful.
demanding an answer instead of sobbing in a corner or even to totally give up the thought of transferring.
for that, i would have to thank Xingzhi.

She helped me when i was at the darkest point of the entire matter.
I couldn't form any sentence in my mind in response to their emails, but she was the one who help me write out the emails and sat down in front of the laptop the entire day to guide me through it.

Thank you very very much Xingzhi. You really are my saviour. HUGGGGGGGG.

Anyway, during the two days in W14C, i find it horrible.
There are only two words to describe the class.

BITCHY & MEAN

They even dare to insult my Marketing Facilitator, Gloria Leong.
Reason? She doesn't know what is an Ipod.

They just say in front of her :"Are you living under a rock?"
How mean is that? Even if she doesn't know about it, there's no excuse to be so mena to a person.
Would you mock an South African for not knowing about Ipod?
Would you mock at kids not knowing about Ipod when they don't even have three square meals a day?
No you won't, so why are you doing it then?


Seriously, you guys all DISGUST me.
Acting so high and mighty, being so BIMBOTIC.
I CAN'T STAND YOU GUYS AT ALL.
Talking about shows in the middle of the day, saying "oh, this show is so totally awesome, you must watch it"
Like ew?

Also, you guys are in MASS COMM.
If you decide to speak in english 24/7 and thinks you're good in english, then why the hell can't you guys figure out that AFFECT and EFFECT have different meanings?

For the record, Affect is used in a sentence like " The death of her friend AFFECTED her so much that she can't eat a single thing" while EFFECT is used in " Protesting and rioting in Singapore has no EFFECT at all "
Don't disgrace yourself people.
Brush up on your english before YOG (Youth Olympic Games) next year.

p.s. i know i'm bitchy in this post, but it's true.
I realise i got more to add on.
It's a bit scary how things, with regards to studies are going my way now.
Though i didn't managed to get in TP or NYP at that time, now things are going y way.
I got into that engineering course, get myself out of it and got into CCC. Then now i get myself out of it and into STA.
It's weird, i never had this kind of things going smoothly for me for a long time. Ever since then ...

Or maybe it's just RP. =\

I'm pissed. Very very angry. I'm ready to explode any time. So please be careful when you talk to me.

I went for an interview with New Media's Programme Chair, Mark D'Oliveira a while back, 25 Sep to be exact.
We talked about why I want to change course and stuff, then it ended on a happy note.
He told me he will discuss with the director and that my chance of getting in would be high.

After that day, I didn't receive any emails from the school regarding the transfer, so i thought they're still not done with it and would prolly notify me through the timetable or something.
Then, the tragedy strike.
Timetable came out officially on the 2nd of October, but I managed to get a glimpse of it and to my utter horror (no joke, serious), I was still in DCID.
Emailed Mark but he was OUT OF OFFICE.
So i emailed Delia Kang. It was around noon-ish, telling her i had an interview and how come I'm still in DCID.
She replied at 6.30pm (must be before going home. CB.) saying that my transfer was considered to be VOID cause I didn't submit a FORM.

So i got really shocked and email Dennis Yim asking him what should i do now.
Then he (another CB Kia) told me since I didn't submit the form, there's nothing he can do. (FUCKERRRRRR) and he asked me to continue doing my best in DCID.

This is the important point to note : NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT AN OFFICIAL FORM DESPITE THE MANY EMAILS AND PROBING. NOT MY MENTOR, NOT MARK, NOT THE OFFICE.

VAGINA OR NOT I ASK YOU?? BLOODY VAGINA RIGHT????

So i got all worked up, screen shots the emails and send them to Dennis. Then he never reply already. (CCCCCCCB)
Next day around noon-ish (again), STA's Director emailed me, telling me he's TRYING to resolve the problem with CCC and Registrar and that he will give me an answer by next week. (I start school next week.)

It's Sunday now, all these happened since Thursday. I've been camping at my laptop since then. Till now no replies. And I'm starting school tomorrow. Am I really doomed to be in CCC? I knew things aren't going to be so well for me. But of all things why my studies ? Sigh. I really don't know what to do if I'm still stuck in CCC. I don't see the point of me learning DCID's Sem 2 modules when I'm not going to be interested in it. I rather not waste my parents money on it. See how it goes I suppose. Sigh. I'm feeling so despondent now. That faint glimmer of hope that I have, is now gone.

***

Went for W45L's BBQ the other day. Was fun. I tried roller-blading, failing miserably. I even crashed into poles and now I have a big bruise on my thigh. =___= These are the pictures that were taken with my camera while I was BBQ-ing food. The girls sure knows how to camwhore. But it's good fun. Let's have more of it or something. <3 Yes, I changed my hairstyle. =.=

when you can't help yourself, naturally, you would turn and help others in your situation.
as a form of running away, of hiding/ bottling up every single thing.
to pretend you're strong, to give others hope.
what do you get in return?
sufferings, for bottling everything up, for hiding, for ignoring it all.

it's not that you don't want to face it, you just naturally hide it all away.
to protect yourself you say., from showing out your weakness to everyone.
to pretend to be the strong one, holding everyone up.

不是我不想去面对。是我不能。
如果我面对那个问题，我只会难过，伤心。
竟然那样，倒不如不去想好了? 对吗?

逃离，放弃是我唯一的解决方法。
所以，我选择这样。
没跟你说话，没把答案从你身边逼出来。

但是，当我想到那些对我来说是快乐的时光时，我的心突然会好痛。
被提醒到我们再也不能想以前那样，我。。。真的觉得心好痛，仿佛心被碎。

not that i don't want to type in english, sometimes, chinese words .. can really express what i want clearly. with english, that's a different story.

p.s. please forgive the structuring. i translated my thoughts from english into mandarin. as usual. so don't mind the sentence structuring. i know that it's a little off. kthxbai.